Before becoming a parent, I noticed a common trend among new parents – they love to talk about poop! After hearing conversation after conversation about poop, I was beginning to question their sanity. I mean, what mid-to-upper twenty year old spends most of their time talking about poop?!
These doubts I had about the sanity of a new parent were present until a week ago – the exact time I had of child of my own. After only one week of observing and caring for my child, I realized that poop is your main topic of conversation because you have little else to think about when you change up to 22 diapers a day (sometimes 3 diapers in 15 minutes)!
To continue the proud tradition of new parents, I want to talk for a few minutes about poop. Well, the lessons I have learned concerning this lovely topic.
Lesson #1: If your child doesn’t poop in 24 hours, don’t worry about the health of your child.
He/she is fine. What you need to spend your time worrying about is the floodgate that is going to open when that period is over. I promise you, it will come. I made this mistake while we were still in the hospital. I was worried. I even began asking nurses if this was normal. Then it happened...my first encounter with the blowout! There was poop everywhere! The sheets. My hands. Her clothes. My clothes. Even my glasses somehow managed to get poop smeared on them! Rather than freak out about your child not soiling his/her diaper, enjoy the calm before the storm or take the time to mentally prepare yourself for what is about to happen.
Lesson #2: Don’t get too close while changing a diaper.
Even if you think you have the routine figured out, don’t risk it. I learned this lesson the other night. I started changing the diaper with “the routine”: open diaper, close diaper, listen for bathroom noises. I thought that my status was quickly bumped to pro as I accomplished this task to perfection! Then I was reminded that even pros are thrown curveballs. I opened the diaper and then...BAM! A stream that would put Old Faithful to shame flowed forth from my precious, little child. Luckily my cat-like reflexes are still intact at 2 AM (a fact that I neither knew nor tested before this). Thankfully Drea was already awake to help me clean up the mess – I would have been overwhelmed otherwise.
Lesson #3: Just because you have a girl doesn’t mean geyser pee isn’t possible.
Referring to Lesson 2, I have a little girl and that is what happened.
Lesson #4: You probably won’t understand this post, or may be grossed out by it, unless you have a child of your own.
I know I was. Luckily, the love you have for your child quickly outweighs any disgusting circumstance you are thrown into. Love, and the fact that you will get to repay your child someday when they have to change your diaper!
I love you Addy and I will always be there to change your diaper, no matter how messy it gets.
-Dad
No comments:
Post a Comment