12 days left until the due date, and I am starting to feel READY!
Not all that ready mentally or emotionally, mind you, just ready physically.
Who would have thought that having a kid hanging out in your uterus would be so uncomfortable? Ok, so maybe it sounds obvious...but it's been suprising to find out how much she can actually hurt me.
Yesterday was our 38 week checkup. While the nurse was trying to find her heartbeat, Addy kept punching the dopplar away. Hard. Like, 'get that blasted thing away from me, I'm trying to sleep' hard. It was so great, both the nurse and I couldn't stop laughing.
This kid is already such a stinker. :)
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Any Day Now
The time is drawing near.
17 days from now is Addy's due date...so really, it could be any day now. Eeeeeeek!
I've been thinking a lot about work lately. Things like: will I want to come back after maternity leave? I'm sure that I will come back, but will I want to? Maybe. Maybe I'll be so happy to come back to my typical routine that I'll want to come back early! So many questions that I dont, can't, know the answer to yet.
I've always been a little sad that there are so few women where I work. I always felt like some of us young-uns could really benefit from a powerful, positive, woman-in-the-workforce kind of role model. While I'm sure still that's true, lately I've been realizing, I've got plenty of role models here already.
See, where I work, the majority of staff falls into the middle-aged-guy bracket. There are several men that have daughters around my age, some of whom are grandparents already, etc. While this sometimes leads me to feel I'm being spoken to like a child, it far more often means I feel I'm being spoken to like a child of THEIRS...which is totally different.
It has been so fun to have some of these men sharing their own fatherhood stories, from the delivery room to grandchildren. They joke about how their bellies are about the same size as mine ("I think you've got me beat now!" one said with a laugh, once I hit about month seven). And to have them asking me questions about Addy: if her nursery is ready, is Tim excited, if I think I'll be making it to the office the following morning, etc. I can tell they're geniunely interested - not just in what I provide for the company, but in my actual life...what happens to me and mine. It's really nice.
Man, I need this kid to get here - one day I'm super pumped about getting out of work for two months (but who wouldn't be, right?), and the next day I'm reflecting on how much I like working here - I can't handle the roller coaster!
17 days from now is Addy's due date...so really, it could be any day now. Eeeeeeek!
I've been thinking a lot about work lately. Things like: will I want to come back after maternity leave? I'm sure that I will come back, but will I want to? Maybe. Maybe I'll be so happy to come back to my typical routine that I'll want to come back early! So many questions that I dont, can't, know the answer to yet.
I've always been a little sad that there are so few women where I work. I always felt like some of us young-uns could really benefit from a powerful, positive, woman-in-the-workforce kind of role model. While I'm sure still that's true, lately I've been realizing, I've got plenty of role models here already.
See, where I work, the majority of staff falls into the middle-aged-guy bracket. There are several men that have daughters around my age, some of whom are grandparents already, etc. While this sometimes leads me to feel I'm being spoken to like a child, it far more often means I feel I'm being spoken to like a child of THEIRS...which is totally different.
It has been so fun to have some of these men sharing their own fatherhood stories, from the delivery room to grandchildren. They joke about how their bellies are about the same size as mine ("I think you've got me beat now!" one said with a laugh, once I hit about month seven). And to have them asking me questions about Addy: if her nursery is ready, is Tim excited, if I think I'll be making it to the office the following morning, etc. I can tell they're geniunely interested - not just in what I provide for the company, but in my actual life...what happens to me and mine. It's really nice.
Man, I need this kid to get here - one day I'm super pumped about getting out of work for two months (but who wouldn't be, right?), and the next day I'm reflecting on how much I like working here - I can't handle the roller coaster!
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Ready to be a mom?
Uhm...I guess so. Maybe?
People like to remind me that I only have about a month to go with this whole pregnancy thing.
"Not much longer now," they'll happily exclaim, as I waddle past.
Really? I hadn't realized! Thanks for reminding me!
I know that they're just being nice, making small talk, etc. I'll wave, or smile, or say something like, "yep, she's almost here!" I don't share the fact that deep down, I'm pretty terrified.
Me? a Mom? There must be some mistake.
Moms are responsible! They know how to fix everything! They are channels of endless wisdom! Me, on the other hand...me? I still eat sugar cereal! I don't vacuum our house for months at a time! I like Spongebob Squarepants!
Deep breath.
In general, the unknown is what scares me. Doesn't it most people?
I think I'm going to be fine...be a good mom, but I don't know for sure. I can't. I've never done this before. All I can know for sure is that my life is about to change drastically, and that everyone I know says it will be for the better. I'll be keeping that thought in my head for the next month, until I get to find out for myself.
I know I shouldn't be so worried about it. I'll adapt to our new life, I'll be just fine.
Now that I think about it...sugar cereal and Spongebob? I'm going to be the coolest mom on the planet.
People like to remind me that I only have about a month to go with this whole pregnancy thing.
"Not much longer now," they'll happily exclaim, as I waddle past.
Really? I hadn't realized! Thanks for reminding me!
I know that they're just being nice, making small talk, etc. I'll wave, or smile, or say something like, "yep, she's almost here!" I don't share the fact that deep down, I'm pretty terrified.
Me? a Mom? There must be some mistake.
Moms are responsible! They know how to fix everything! They are channels of endless wisdom! Me, on the other hand...me? I still eat sugar cereal! I don't vacuum our house for months at a time! I like Spongebob Squarepants!
Deep breath.
In general, the unknown is what scares me. Doesn't it most people?
I think I'm going to be fine...be a good mom, but I don't know for sure. I can't. I've never done this before. All I can know for sure is that my life is about to change drastically, and that everyone I know says it will be for the better. I'll be keeping that thought in my head for the next month, until I get to find out for myself.
I know I shouldn't be so worried about it. I'll adapt to our new life, I'll be just fine.
Now that I think about it...sugar cereal and Spongebob? I'm going to be the coolest mom on the planet.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Thoughts on Pregnancy: Months 1-3
I had a plan for how this would go.
I knew that if Tim and I were blessed with the opportunity to be biological parents, I would do my absolute best in caring for that little blessing right from day one.
I would eat only organic, hormone-free grass-fed meat, extra fruit and vegetables...just really load on the vitamins and minerals that our little one would need for superb development. No sugar, limited grains and dairy...I would be the picture of health, and this kid would be in all AP classes, starting in pre-school.
I found out I was expecting at right around 6 weeks.
We were pregnant!
We were going to be parents!
I was...going to be...sick.
My very well intended 'plan for superb development' got scrapped...I traded it in for what I would now call my 'plan for basic survival'. As I ran for the bathroom for the 7th time in a day, I would think to myself, well kid, you're going to have to rely on genetics now...let's hope you get the best of each of our brains.
The only thing that would stay down was carbs. Most grains and one or two types of fruit.
My meal-plan looked like this.
Tim has been amazing during the whole pregnancy, but those first few months he achieved superhero status in my book. My main job was making sure the couch didn't blow away (turns out I'm really good at it). Tim did all the laundry, dishes, absolutely EVERYTHING. He is so great and has done an excellent job taking care of me. Love, love, love.
I hated feeling so useless...but now that I think about it, Tim should have been thanking me for helping him brush up on his time management skills. See, I AM contributing!
I knew that if Tim and I were blessed with the opportunity to be biological parents, I would do my absolute best in caring for that little blessing right from day one.
I would eat only organic, hormone-free grass-fed meat, extra fruit and vegetables...just really load on the vitamins and minerals that our little one would need for superb development. No sugar, limited grains and dairy...I would be the picture of health, and this kid would be in all AP classes, starting in pre-school.
I found out I was expecting at right around 6 weeks.
We were pregnant!
We were going to be parents!
I was...going to be...sick.
My very well intended 'plan for superb development' got scrapped...I traded it in for what I would now call my 'plan for basic survival'. As I ran for the bathroom for the 7th time in a day, I would think to myself, well kid, you're going to have to rely on genetics now...let's hope you get the best of each of our brains.
The only thing that would stay down was carbs. Most grains and one or two types of fruit.
My meal-plan looked like this.
- Breakfast: dry cereal
- Lunch: a peanut butter sandwich
- Dinner: didn't really matter. I don't think a dinner stayed down for 3 months
- Snacks: maybe a 1/2 cup of watermelon, maybe some saltines or pretzels
Tim has been amazing during the whole pregnancy, but those first few months he achieved superhero status in my book. My main job was making sure the couch didn't blow away (turns out I'm really good at it). Tim did all the laundry, dishes, absolutely EVERYTHING. He is so great and has done an excellent job taking care of me. Love, love, love.
I hated feeling so useless...but now that I think about it, Tim should have been thanking me for helping him brush up on his time management skills. See, I AM contributing!
Monday, August 6, 2012
Ready.
In a split-second, my entire outlook shifted. One night, it hit me. I wanted to be a parent. I wanted to be a parent...right now.
This may seem like a fairly reasonable thought to most. I'm 27, Tim and I have been married for 6 years, he's less than a year away from graduating from his PhD program, we're financially responsible and stable...all that. Everything made sense. Everything except my opinions on being a parent...which up until this split-second moment had been going in the complete opposite direction.
I thought that I may never want to have children. I thought of all the fun things Tim and I could do in the near future with our time and money otherwise. All the exotic, romantic, sightseeing-filled vacations we could take. The absolute freedom from any responsibility. The eventual retirement fund, growing bigger every day, ready to prop us up in luxury during our last years.
During my more sentimental moments (these usually came after hanging out with friends who have adorable children of their own, or seeing a Gerber commercial on TV) I thought that having kids might not be so bad. But, I thought, we should probably adopt all our children. After all, I would think to myself, what right did I have to fill this world up with sticky, miniature versions of myself, when so many kids are being born into rotten situations every day? When there are full orphanages overseas, not to mention all the children in our own neighborhoods being carted off from one foster home to another?
I'd been told that, for medical reasons, having our own biological children might not be an option. I have PCOS, and multiple doctors told me over the years that to even have a successful thought about pregnancy, I would probably need various medications, and possibly other, more intense, methods of medical intervention. I'm not really one for unnecessary medical interventions of any kind. I am the girl who will refuse allergy medication until I'm reduced a mouth-breathing, Kleenex-hoarding, absolute mess...and even then I might not take them. The thought of all the meds, procedures, operations, etc. did not appeal to me in the slightest.
Plus... letting some little creature live inside you for 9 months? giving birth? breastfeeding? EEEWWW!
So, I'd been on one of either the NEVER or ADOPTION bandwagons for quite some time. I think that's why Tim almost had a heart attack the night I burst out with, "I want to have a baby."
"Uh, like our own baby?"
Just think, I said, we can try for a while, and if it doesn't work then we'll have saved enough money in the meantime for the adoption!
Poor guy, he never saw it coming. I think he's still not quite over the shock.
Then again...I'm not sure I am either.
This may seem like a fairly reasonable thought to most. I'm 27, Tim and I have been married for 6 years, he's less than a year away from graduating from his PhD program, we're financially responsible and stable...all that. Everything made sense. Everything except my opinions on being a parent...which up until this split-second moment had been going in the complete opposite direction.
I thought that I may never want to have children. I thought of all the fun things Tim and I could do in the near future with our time and money otherwise. All the exotic, romantic, sightseeing-filled vacations we could take. The absolute freedom from any responsibility. The eventual retirement fund, growing bigger every day, ready to prop us up in luxury during our last years.
During my more sentimental moments (these usually came after hanging out with friends who have adorable children of their own, or seeing a Gerber commercial on TV) I thought that having kids might not be so bad. But, I thought, we should probably adopt all our children. After all, I would think to myself, what right did I have to fill this world up with sticky, miniature versions of myself, when so many kids are being born into rotten situations every day? When there are full orphanages overseas, not to mention all the children in our own neighborhoods being carted off from one foster home to another?
I'd been told that, for medical reasons, having our own biological children might not be an option. I have PCOS, and multiple doctors told me over the years that to even have a successful thought about pregnancy, I would probably need various medications, and possibly other, more intense, methods of medical intervention. I'm not really one for unnecessary medical interventions of any kind. I am the girl who will refuse allergy medication until I'm reduced a mouth-breathing, Kleenex-hoarding, absolute mess...and even then I might not take them. The thought of all the meds, procedures, operations, etc. did not appeal to me in the slightest.
Plus... letting some little creature live inside you for 9 months? giving birth? breastfeeding? EEEWWW!
So, I'd been on one of either the NEVER or ADOPTION bandwagons for quite some time. I think that's why Tim almost had a heart attack the night I burst out with, "I want to have a baby."
"Uh, like our own baby?"
Just think, I said, we can try for a while, and if it doesn't work then we'll have saved enough money in the meantime for the adoption!
Poor guy, he never saw it coming. I think he's still not quite over the shock.
Then again...I'm not sure I am either.
Why Not?
I first thought of starting a blog when we found out we were going to be parents. We think it will be the best way to keep everyone updated on how our little family is progressing, sharing pictures, etc.
If some random venting or foodie posts sneak their way in, so be it.
If some random venting or foodie posts sneak their way in, so be it.
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