Ready.

In a split-second, my entire outlook shifted.  One night, it hit me.  I wanted to be a parent.  I wanted to be a parent...right now.

This may seem like a fairly reasonable thought to most.  I'm 27, Tim and I have been married for 6 years, he's less than a year away from graduating from his PhD program, we're financially responsible and stable...all that.  Everything made sense.  Everything except my opinions on being a parent...which up until this split-second moment had been going in the complete opposite direction.

I thought that I may never want to have children.  I thought of all the fun things Tim and I could do in the near future with our time and money otherwise.  All the exotic, romantic, sightseeing-filled vacations we could take.  The absolute freedom from any responsibility.  The eventual retirement fund, growing bigger every day, ready to prop us up in luxury during our last years.


During my more sentimental moments (these usually came after hanging out with friends who have adorable children of their own, or seeing a Gerber commercial on TV) I thought that having kids might not be so bad.  But, I thought, we should probably adopt all our children.  After all, I would think to myself, what right did I have to fill this world up with sticky, miniature versions of myself, when so many kids are being born into rotten situations every day?  When there are full orphanages overseas, not to mention all the children in our own neighborhoods being carted off from one foster home to another?

I'd been told that, for medical reasons, having our own biological children might not be an option.  I have PCOS, and multiple doctors told me over the years that to even have a successful thought about pregnancy, I would probably need various medications, and possibly other, more intense, methods of medical intervention.  I'm not really one for unnecessary medical interventions of any kind.  I am the girl who will refuse allergy medication until I'm reduced a mouth-breathing, Kleenex-hoarding, absolute mess...and even then I might not take them.  The thought of all the meds, procedures, operations, etc. did not appeal to me in the slightest.

Plus... letting some little creature live inside you for 9 months?  giving birth?  breastfeeding?   EEEWWW!

So, I'd been on one of either the NEVER or ADOPTION bandwagons for quite some time.  I think that's why Tim almost had a heart attack the night I burst out with, "I want to have a baby."
"Uh, like our own baby?"
Just think, I said, we can try for a while, and if it doesn't work then we'll have saved enough money in the meantime for the adoption! 

Poor guy, he never saw it coming.  I think he's still not quite over the shock.

Then again...I'm not sure I am either.